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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Most of the women I know with really terrific husbands have really great dads. Like I went to their weddings and thought "wow this guy is clearly so in love with them and stable and great" and then saw that their dad also clearly really loved them and was stable and great and went "oh".

I actually think I got lucky considering I have a pretty crappy dad. Self-centered, immature, often abusive. When he's paying attention to me, which is almost never, it's usually to be critical. And he has not been a good partner to my mom (who has her own issues, but was a better mom to me than he was a dad). My DH is an upgrade over all of this -- not abusive, much more mature, though can be pretty self-centered at times. But willing to work on it, whereas my dad has never been willing to work on any aspect of his personality.

I credit therapy, waiting to get married until I had worked through some of the issues from my bad childhood, and also the good fortune of living in a time when men like my dad are less able to get away with being so selfish (slightly less, at least). But yeah, I know women who have husbands who are so loving and kind and generous, but every one of those women has a dad who is the same. They were born lucky. I wasn't.[/quote]

PP here. To add: I think women with really wonderful fathers grow up to believe they are worthy of a great partner. Like, truly worthy. I had to really work to feel that way, and even now I still struggle with it -- the idea that I am simply not good enough to earn someone's love is very deeply engrained in me. Having real faith in your own worthiness is such a gift.[/quote]

This is SO true. I have a loving, engaged father who has been married to my mom for 52 years. My FIL is also an engaged father and helpful, thoughtful husband with a 50yr marriage. My BFF thinks my husband is amazing, and I think he’s normal. So many smart, accomplished women I know settle for such substandard treatment and have such low expectations for the men in their lives. [/quote]

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