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[quote=Anonymous][url]https://www.insidehook.com/daily_brief/television/esther-perel-interviewed-real-time-bill-maher[/url]

OP watch this interview with Esther Perel. I really admire some of her takes on relationships and sex.

Direct quote from both the interview and article:

"“Many people today, especially in the West, are going to have two or three committed relationships or marriages. Some of us are going to do it with the same person,” she said. “[b]I’ve been married a few times, but with the same person[/b]. That keeps it interesting.”

“A relationship is a living, breathing organism that you need to reinvent and infuse,” she clarified — and made the case for not taking a relationship for granted."

The bolded hit me hard. Im not the same person and neither are you and neither is he. I was super into fitness, independent with lots of friends during the initial phases. Then my spouse has some serious (life and death) health issues and I experienced underemployment and then finally got a real job and then got pregnant. I lost touch with a lot of friends during this period because I was in survival mood with a high-needs baby and PPA/PPD. Then my MIL with dementia moved in with us. Then COVID hit. Then I got dx with hypothyroid and took 1.5 year to stabilize. MIL moved out.

We are just now re-discovering one another. Every time we tried to surface before this, something else would hit and we would be in survival mood. We are learning to re-like each other and that means us having our own interests but not at the expense of our relationship. I know that menopause/mid-life/empty nest will likely bring on another phase. And then aging in our 60-80s.

With a kid in the mix you don't really get to decide that 2-4 relationships are acceptable. Children need stability and blended families rarely work. I was looking at mothers day gifts and so many of them in that "family tree" vein whether its a painting or a tree of life or whatever and I cant do those because if I made the tree it would be my mom and my siblings which would hurt my stepdad and his daughter's feelings but it feels disingenuous to list them. It may feel all happy and great as the parent but it doesn't from the kid's perspective.

Your kid isn't part of your marriage but she is a product of your marriage and a piece of your family unit. I would ensure that you've given it what you can before dissolving the family unit. [/quote]

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