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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As a divorced parent, I can plan any activities I want on the days I am scheduled to have my kids.  I don't need to coordinate with their other parent.  We're divorced for a reason.

I also think setting up the expectation that both parents are at the same birthday party seems really weird and confusing to the kid.  I would drop that and say "This year you're with Dad on the weekend after your birthday, so you'll have your party with him.  On the years you're with me, you'll have it with me."  And then, since you don't have to pay for the party, do something extra fun on the years you don't have the party, like take kid and one friend to Great Wolf Lodge or an amusement park.  [/quote]

As a (different) divorced parent who co-hosts kids birthday parties with my ex, it's not weird or confusing to our kids at all. It's normal to them. I do the planning and organizing, and exDH gives over half the cost and shows up with the drinks while I show up with the food. It's normal because it's what we've taught the kids to be used to. They are thrilled to have both parents at the same events and getting along. [/quote]

But you don't seem to have the kind of hostile relationship that OP clearly does.  Regardless of whose fault the hostility is, if you can't negotiate something as simple as this without conflict, then that's going to spill over around your kids.  It's not in your kids' interest to expose them to it.  
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