Reply to Phrase to get strangers to stop admonishing autistic child

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[quote=Anonymous]OK, mom of child with HFA here. It's tough. I wanted people to have more empathy, but also had the goal of raising a child who could function in the world independently in adulthood. So, I am not of the camp that everyone has to just let him be him no matter how disruptive, but it was all so painful for me and i wanted to protect him.

We got many rude comments in the grocery store, at field trips, etc. I cried a lot after, but I don't think it was bad for him to hear and see how people felt about his behavior. In fact, one old man told him off during a tantrum and he actually stopped and looked stunned. Sometimes people let us go to the front of the grocery line which was both blessing and curse. I was losing my mind and wanted to get out, but it may have reinforced things a little.

Now my son is older and we can discuss how others react. He can actually reflect and be helped to understand how his behavior impacts others and we need other strategies when stressed. I think he has grown from all this.

So I guess I see this all as very grey. We protect our kids, but don't wrap them in a bubble. I used to tell people he has sensory issues, but I know this behavior is disruptive and I apologize and say we are working on it. That seemed to help often. I respected their right to not have a kid scream, but also helped them to see there are special needs and it's complicated.

things have improved a lot. I think he has learned strategies to manage anxiety, his brain has developed more and he is tunes into how others react. I know there is a segment of the autism population who feels we should let our kids tantrum, stim, and do all sorts of things. I think there are kids who may not be able to learn to manage these things and the world must adapt to them. I feel fortunate my son can learn to adapt to the world. One day i won't be here to protect him. I want him to be able to fit into a complex world, make friends and adapt to life's challenges.[/quote]

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