Reply to Phrase to get strangers to stop admonishing autistic child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I personally wouldn’t say she has autism - that’s none of their business. I would say “please allow me to handle this” - and say that directly to the adults. I understand you were probably mid wrangle and brain flooded, but I think explaining her diagnosis to those not aware isn’t going to shut it down enough - it might even invite their greater wisdom.[/quote]

This is helpful perspective. It seemed to shut down one of the commenters but it made the other one double down. I wondered later if she felt defensive, maybe, and like she had to up the ante with her tough love parenting advice. Maybe there is nothing I could have said that would have stopped her. I don’t know.

It’s a good point that my daughter doesn’t owe anyone the information about her diagnoses. I will think about this more.[/quote]

I’m not a parent but have worked with many children with ASD 1:1 and in groups and have encountered more than my share of uncomfortable public moments. In general I’ve always just ignored others around me and I’ve been in many difficult situations like this. Initially I ignored them because of HIPAA (can’t tell a stranger about a diagnosis), as I grew to learn more about autism I realized blaming the diagnosis wouldn’t be helpful for anyone in those situations.

It’s more important to me now that I am handling the problem behavior and making myself aware of all the things that may have contributed to the problem in that specific situation-regardless of whether people just think I’m a “bad parent” or whatever- so that I can better address it in the future. This is admittedly easier for me because I wasn’t the parent (I’ve seen first hand how distressing these situations can be for parents) but in general I’ve still found that addressing the underlying issue is better than blaming it on a diagnosis.

You and your daughter also don’t owe anyone an explanation and I’d probably avoid the labels altogether unless you find it helpful to your child. There have been very very few times I’ve asked a parent if I could share a child’s diagnosis, and usually this was because another child asked me a direct question and I thought it would be a good teaching opportunity. I’ve never felt the need to justify myself or a child to another adult that wasn’t that child’s parent, caregiver, or teacher. If the adult doesn’t fall into one of those categories you really don’t owe them anything.[/quote]

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