Reply to 40+ never been engaged/married

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[quote=Anonymous]I have several friends in this situation and in most cases it reflects some level of seriousness about their careers, a little bit of pickiness (which I do not view as a bad thing) regarding partners, and sometimes just some luck of timing. None of them specifically chose to remain single, but I wouldn't say any of them made finding a partner and marriage their main priority either. I also think there was the evolution in thinking, too. From 20s and early 30s actively dating but just not meeting anyone who was a good fit, to late 30s starting to ask themselves if it was time to compromise and asking hard questions about their goals regarding kids (two decided to have kids on their own, the others are child free), to 40s when they reached a level of acceptance that their life was going to follow a different path than many of their peers who married earlier.

This group includes men and women. I do think its viewed a little differently by gender, but they all have certain qualities in common, especially the focus on somewhat demanding careers and a strong independent streak, and I think those are the bigger factors and the gender thing is much more minor.

I also think most of them would still marry if they met the right person, but they are in a different stage of dating where the "right person" is a true partner who enhances their life and fits into their existing goals and lifestyle well. They aren't planning families or thinking about stuff like career potential or how well you mesh with their families. It's just different when the parties are older. Everyone is generally financially independent and in many cases intend to stay that way regardless of marital status. People have lost parents or may be dealing with aging parents, very different than dating in your 20s. People have established careers and well-developed social lives, and they have less flexibility on these points than they might have when younger.

I don't view it as good or bad, just a normal and not terribly uncommon life path. I could see that being me with just a few minor shifts to my history.[/quote]

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