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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sooooo many questions.  How does one even keep up a decades long emotional affair?  You never did anything physical?  What was the guy even in it for?  I had an emotional affair for a couple months once and the guilt was killing me.  Why stay in the marriage at all?[/quote]

We did meet a few times.  One time had sex.  Another time only oral.  This was over the course of 12 years.  When we first met I was single and we met to have sex quite a few times.  [/quote]

Did you have sex while either of you were married to someone else?  If you were married and had sex with this person, then isn’t it just an affair where you haven’t had sex that much?  Why did you keep the relationship going when you got married?  What were you getting out of it?[/quote]

We are both married. I was single and he was married when we first met.

I am not sure why we kept the relationship going. I enjoyed talking to him and assume he got an ego boost out of me. I’d like to better understand myself but haven’t gotten anywhere with therapists. [/quote]

It’s simple. You love him but he didn’t love you enough to leave his wife for you. You supplied free sex and connection. You knew he would not leave his wife so “moved on” with your life and married someone else you didn’t fully love as much. You kept up the emotional affair with the person you care deeply for and who knows the real you, all of you, which your husband does not. The AP keeps it up bc he knows if he doesn’t you may feel rejected, turn on him, and tell his wife. But since you have MAD (mutually assured destruction) he’s counting on that for you to keep your mouth shut.[/quote]

OP here. I think what you described is it. [/quote]

This is a good example of women playing checkers while men are playing chess.[/quote]

Not sure what he is winning in this “chess” game other than having a low character….[/quote]
Some men are deliriously vile—they could be morally destitute, filthy, rolling in a pile of steaming pig shxt and still gleefully think “LOL, got laid don’t care!”[/quote]

This. He got sex, intimacy, attention, validation, and continued to place kindling on the fire indefinitely in the hope it might ignite to sex again—which is much better/safer with someone who is already a known quantity than if he had to start over.[/quote]

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