Reply to Wife has a lazy, procrastinator streak

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[quote=Anonymous]For a second I actually thought this might be my husband posting! Your wife sounds like me - I’m super big picture and strategic, but the details and little things are constantly biting me in the ass. And I’m willing to bet this is one of your wife’s biggest insecurities (I know it is for me). I’m too focused on the big/long-term things (I.e.,managing multiple investment accounts, saving for college or retirement, my future career moves, how to improve our property value) that the day to day maintenance just gets overwhelming and deprioritized in my head. I can sleep peacefully knowing that if my husband were to die or leave me tomorrow, me and my kids will be just fine. Meanwhile, I’m driving on expired tags, have a giant pile of laundry that I am avoiding like the plague, and just got a call that my vet bill has been piling up for 3 months because I forgot to call and give them my new credit card number when my old one expired.

My husband is super organized and detail oriented and gets on me all the time for this. Him thinking I’m lazy or incompetent is the worst feeling in the world, when I’m working so hard to set us up for the future. I don’t think he appreciated it until he had an unexpected death in his immediate family and couldn’t function at work, and was able to comfortably take a 6 month leave of absence without pay because I have built such a cushion for us to prepare for these things.

I’m willing to bet your wife is similar - she cares greatly, just not about the small things. (Even if it’s not financial/she doesn’t work). But the small things do matter and I’ve made a concerted effort to try to get more organized. My husband also steps up and offers to do some of the “little tasks” like scheduling appointments, doing laundry, etc., because they are a breeze for him, but I get overwhelmed. In exchange I do his taxes and handle the emotional side of things with our kids that he hates doing (we have teenagers and they are emotional train wrecks at times). I come up with ideas for our house and draw them up and then he executes them and makes them happen. We both use our strengths to accomplish things together.

I would start by appreciating the things she does that she sees as important. Letting her know how much it means to you. Then try to help her with the little things that seem to frustrate or overwhelm her. And talk about getting a good organization system in place (storage for things, bins inside of cabinets, everything must have a place), making it easy to just put things where they go.

Take it easy on her. [/quote]

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