Reply to Can men successfully transition from a SAH wife to a working wife?

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Reply to "Can men successfully transition from a SAH wife to a working wife?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OMG!!!

Why do you women keep marrying these incompetent men?!?!

My husband literally does half of everything. That was my expectation from day 1.  His expectation was the same, literally half.  Yes, I'm responsible for bringing in 50% of the income. It takes the pressure off him too.  We both rise in our careers, although maybe at a slightly slower rate, but our income has been in the top 1% for 18 years - rather than after one of us hit some career milestone.  Oh, and yes, he also took leave with each kid - 3 months FMLA (unpaid).  I tool 3 months of which 2 weeks were paid.[/quote]

OMG!!! why do women with equal partners assume that they would have picked out an unequal partner in advance while being entirely blind to their good luck?

As a boyfriend my husband did all the cooking and my laundry. As a father he became career obsessed. It was like a switch flipped and everything was secondary to his idea of what a provider is. And yes I also made a top 1% income. [/quote]

It's not luck; it was discussed prior to marriage. I can't believe intelligent, educated women still exist that don't discuss these things prior to making a life long commitment. It's a really dumb thing to do for a smart person.

If the discussion was more like one stays home while the kids are young, that's a different choice, but you need to have the discussion about going back to work too.  Of you choose to be the SAH spouse, then hiw can you expect the other person the suddenly change.... you can't.

Marriage is the most important decision (personal and business) a person will ever make. It shouldn't be made purely emotionally - that's insane.[/quote]

It would be insane and stupid if it went the way you think it does. But you’re wrong.

Women who don’t have equal partners did everything you did and their husbands simply did not live up to what they promised in those pre marriage discussions.

This is so obvious it makes me wonder why you still don’t get it. [/quote]

It's not supposed to be a decision you make based on verbal promises! A smart woman decides based on observing the man's behavior. Is he responsible, organized, not time-blind, does he have ample executive functioning capacity. Does he pull his weight when planning trips with family and friends and is he conscientious about doing a fair share? Does he take care of his home and car, does he think about the long-term and spend time planning it. Can he do "adulting" tasks like choosing a health insurance plan or filing his taxes. You look at his behavior and you decide based on that. If you believed verbal promises without behavior to back it up, then that was an error in judgment on your part. This is so obvious to me.[/quote]
But this sort of "adulting" looks different when there are just 2 adults in a family, vs. an additional 2+ children.  The load sharing in my relationships was fairly equal up until we had kids nearly a decade into our marriage.  The kids totally through the balance off -- and it started right from the beginning with the inherent inequality of nursing.  Spouse went off to work after a few days (no paternity leave at the time), leaving me to figure out how to handle a baby on my own.  He tried as well as he could when coming home from work (the baby's witching hour), but between the baby needing constant nursing to calm down, the evening wakeups (for more nursing)... the load on my end just got heavier and heavier over time.  It was a quiet and insidious transition.  Things are better now that the kids are tweens and teens, but it was a ROUGH decade or so where I did ALL of the heavy lifting WRT home and children.  All while working full time and outearning him.  I'm not completely over it.[/quote]

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