Reply to Can men successfully transition from a SAH wife to a working wife?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OMG!!!

Why do you women keep marrying these incompetent men?!?!

My husband literally does half of everything. That was my expectation from day 1.  His expectation was the same, literally half.  Yes, I'm responsible for bringing in 50% of the income. It takes the pressure off him too.  We both rise in our careers, although maybe at a slightly slower rate, but our income has been in the top 1% for 18 years - rather than after one of us hit some career milestone.  Oh, and yes, he also took leave with each kid - 3 months FMLA (unpaid).  I tool 3 months of which 2 weeks were paid.[/quote]

OMG!!! why do women with equal partners assume that they would have picked out an unequal partner in advance while being entirely blind to their good luck?

As a boyfriend my husband did all the cooking and my laundry. As a father he became career obsessed. It was like a switch flipped and everything was secondary to his idea of what a provider is. And yes I also made a top 1% income. [/quote]

It's not luck; it was discussed prior to marriage. I can't believe intelligent, educated women still exist that don't discuss these things prior to making a life long commitment. It's a really dumb thing to do for a smart person.

If the discussion was more like one stays home while the kids are young, that's a different choice, but you need to have the discussion about going back to work too.  Of you choose to be the SAH spouse, then hiw can you expect the other person the suddenly change.... you can't.

Marriage is the most important decision (personal and business) a person will ever make. It shouldn't be made purely emotionally - that's insane.[/quote]

It would be insane and stupid if it went the way you think it does. But you’re wrong.

Women who don’t have equal partners did everything you did and their husbands simply did not live up to what they promised in those pre marriage discussions.

This is so obvious it makes me wonder why you still don’t get it. [/quote]

I have these conversations all the time with family friends and acquaintances because I’m a keen observer of the subject. I’m 52 and all the women I speak with who are my age range DID have conversations with spouses ahead of marriage regarding the second shift work of keeping a home. Promises were made and reassurances given, but future behavior did not reflect the oral agreements reached. In this respect most husbands are like most kids who beg for a pet and promise to do all the caregiving/husbandry but get bored very quickly and it all falls to parents which usually means mom.

Look this is the biggest large scale scam ever perpetrated and it’s been carried out for many generations by most men. Why would they ever want to change this status quo anyway? It benefits them for the most part. Women are biologically driven to want children - most of us, anyway, nothing wrong with those that resist the biological urge or don’t feel it so keenly; men exploit our desires and know very well that in the vast majority of cases we don’t walk away from parenting the way so many men can and do. They know that most women will tolerate a lot because they think and intact family is better for the kids, somehow not making the connection that these unequal households and marriages that exhibit a lot of disrespect and inequality in the division of labor are where the next generation of men learn it is the status quo. Not all, but most.

This DM reporting of a very recent Pew Research study reveals that while women are making more and more of the household income than ever before, they are still doing twice the work at home - or more. We are getting screwed ladies! When are WE going to change this system?[/quote]

Agreed!!

Women need to articulate their needs and drop the rope just like the men do.  When the kid (and him) are hungry sitting in a messy kitchen... go for a run.  Eventually, he'll get it if you do that 50% of the time.  Or simply come home late.  Point to your schedule and say "it was your turn and I trusted you to do it". It's when you continually clean up after your kids and keep feeding the dog they got for their birthday that they don't learn responsibility.  BTW, when the dog begs for food in the morning, I take him to my son's room and put him on the bed with my sleeping son.... a few minutes later, problem solved.[/quote]

I drop the rope and it’s why my household is 50/50. Sad but true. I simply don’t do things or leave the house. Friends of mine with the most unequal marriages have a wife who rarely leaves the house because she says she had to keep everything together.  I personally think things would improve if she started leaving and didn’t try to manage everything. These women are being used. [/quote]

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