Reply to I Cannot Stand My Mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have tried.  Your children (if you have them) have seen this.   Time to find an alternative, and present it to mom, kindly, gently and with facts, not emotion.

Mom, you've made it clear you are not happy here, despite my trying my best.  Here is information about 2 alternatives, we can visit them next week, and then you can decide, move to one of them, or start treating me better and stay here.  The choice is yours.[/quote]

NP. I don't think there is a legit choice to be made for mom to stay in OP's home. OP has already said mom was nice for 2 weeks and then the abuse started. If OP presents this choice, mom might be nice again for two weeks but it won't stick and then OP is back to square one.

I think the choices are: mom, I've researched continuing care retirement communities, here are the three best choices, and you get to pick one, but you are moving out of my house. Period.

I've been estranged from my alcoholic narcissistic father for 20+ years. One of my sisters is still in touch with him periodically and apparently he moved to Utah with his third wife so her daughter can help care for the both of them. Do I feel even a twinge of guilt? No. He was (and likely still is) a terrible person and I don't owe him caregiving at the end of his life just because he's my father. I paid my dues growing up with him, watching him emotionally abuse my mother (and have multiple affairs, including when I was a newborn, that I found out about as a teen), watching him emotionally abuse my younger sisters, and experiencing his emotional abuse myself. I don't believe in heaven because I'm an atheist, but to the PP who says OP has to suffer this continued emotional abuse from her mother to get into heaven -- get over yourself. There's plenty of ways to pay our dues and when our parents have emotionally abused us, their claim on us when they become dependent is null and void. [/quote]

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