Reply to What do I owe my parents in terms of eldercare?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you cared you’d see them more than once a year and have made an effort to enjoy their company while they were still coherent.

Stay out of it unless your parents ask you to get involved.[/quote]

Yeah I’m shocked at the once a year visit, occasional FaceTime calls. It all sounds so cold and robotic. Your siblings would be smart to push you out. [/quote]

You’re “shocked” by once yearly visits? You don’t get out much, do you?

Average family has, what, 3 weeks of vacation time a year? One visit to family living in a remote place that is a full day’s travel to get to and from means spending about a third of that on a visit to that family, each time. You cannot do long weekends with a family that lives that far away— it means getting less time there than in transit.

There is also another set of family (ILs).

Two visits to the family in the remote location each year means you have just one week left for the other family. And zero vacation time left for anything else.

Conversely, a single trip to Disney or NYC or a beach vacation one year makes it all but impossible to visit the remotely-located family more than once.

If you want your adult children to visit a lot, if you would be “shocked” by once yearly visits, don’t make your home in a small remote town that is a many-hours drive from even a midsize airport. And if living in a place that remote (with so few job prospects for your children) is important to you, accept that you may only see some of your children, and their children, for one week out if the year. This is not a choice THEY made independently. You also made this choice.

“Shocked.” Some of you are so limited.[/quote]

All of this. I’m super close to my parents, but only visit them once a year and vice versa. I’m in NYC and they’re in a small Midwest town. It takes almost a full day to get there. They don’t complain, though.[/quote]

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