Reply to Can you remain married to a man who doesn’t have a vision?

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[quote=Anonymous]My DH is bad at long term planning but we have found a way to make it work for us. One thing that we have worked through and come out the other side on is that he used to be very negative about anything I suggested and it was so frustrating getting no ideas from him but then having anything I said shut down. Eventually we figured out that this was a knee jerk reaction that stemmed from a fear of both change and failure (he was afraid of saying "yes, that sounds amazing" because then if it didn't happen he'd feel like he failed) and he has worked on those things and it's much better.

But I have also accepted that to some degree, I will alway shave to be in the driver's seat on long term plans like relocating, how and when we retire, the bigger longterm plans for DC, etc. He struggles to come up with plans and hates committing to things -- I have to push and plan. BUT once I get him on board he's actually better at me at stuff like saving diligently for a plan and not getting cold feet. It's like his fear of change starts to work in our favor once we're moving toward a goal because he will not want to veer of course once we're on it. I have to make the initial push to really get things going and to sell him on a plan, but then he will often be the one who pushes us over the finish line on the plan I created and put together.

I do think men often tend to get complacent about things like family planning, living situation, even career -- at least that's been my experience and it sounds like yours too, OP. but I'm about a decade older than you and have found that it's something you can work through as long as you have strong communication skills and people are willing to work on themselves.[/quote]

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