Reply to How to talk to 14yo about waiting to have sex

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[quote=Anonymous]First of all, I think what you told us in your script is a-ok: "I want you to wait because I think the emotional consequences of sexual involvement are bigger than most people think, and I want you to wait until you've had a little more life experience and chance to develop before you go that route."

That said, there's a huge bias here that vaginal intercourse (which I assume is what most people are talking about) is The Big Step that is more emotionally complex than hand-jobs, blow jobs, etc. Kids see those as a gateway to sex (adults do, too, I think), but something like performing oral sex, or receiving it, can be overwhelming (overwhelmingly great, true, but also A Lot, and it's not like our society is exactly good at talking about it with tons of shame, judgment, and titillation.) One question to ask yourself is whether you would be feeling these misgivings if your child were fooling around with another girl? With a non-binary kid? What are your opinions about penis-in-vagina sex (to be very blunt), and how can you unpack them for your kid? I'm not saying you're off-base, and you're entitled to your feelings and opinions, but I think that the clearer you can be with yourself, the more honest you can be with your kid and the more your message will resonate.

Also, if they have PIV, it's not the end of the world. Do leave the door open for your kid to come home and have you be someone they can admit to the uncomfortable feelings. It doesn't have to be graphic to the point of being uncomfortable, but I don't think we do ourselves any favors by only talking about what leads up to sex and never about anything once a sexual relationship has started.

With apologies for the digressiveness, those are my thoughts. 
 [/quote]

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