Reply to DH (WH) about to be hospitalized for suicide ideation- what do I need to know?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]9:30 again -

You can tell your boss you have a family medical emergency (true) and can no longer go on the business trip.  I wouldn’t go in these circumstances, not with kids in the picture.[/quote]

Yikes, strongly disagree. As a former wife to a DH with serious mental illness who cheated, I wish I had understood that, even at a time of crisis, the most important thing was for me NOT to sacrifice my own career and earning power. In fact, the best thing for all of us (mentally ill spouse and me and kids) was to maintain, stabilize and increase career and earning power.  Everything is tied to that - financial ability to pay for good treatment, access to good quality medical insurance partially paid by employer, Social Security and Medicare credits from working, access to credit/loans, etc.

The way you maintain your career and help DH is by asking for help from reliable family and friends, even if it’s “embarrassing” (although no one should feel embarrassed about mental health care - you’d ask for help if he had a heart attack, right?).

Ask his family to step up and have someone move with him and kids while you are gone. Or ask if he and kids can stay with someone else while you’re gone - either separately or together. He could stay with family and kids could stay with friends - again either together or separately.  If your kids have friends - strategize about asking for a “sleepover” just explain that there is a family crisis and DH can’t take care of the kids while you are away on first big business trip in new promotion.

I agree with others that suicidal talk rarely results in hospitalization unless there is a plan to accomplish it.

Is he only doing individual therapy?  He needs to see a psychiatrist immediately, get evaluated, and follow any medication recommendations.

In sickness and in health does NOT mean that you sacrifice career and earning power to “fix” him.  You are the one keeping the family afloat - I wish I had recognized that much sooner.

As other PPs have said, he merely has to call in and say he’s taking a sick day on Monday.  He doesn’t have to disclose condition, until company policy requires him to provide medical documentation for sick or disability leave. He can use neutral phrase like “health emergency”.  PPs are also right that he has some protection from disability law. If his or your employer offers an EAP with legal advice you may be able to get some employment law advice.

That said, people do get fired, legally & illegally, so you need to be prepared. If he gets fired, it will be a “special event” that entitles you to get healthcare for you all with your employer or on the ACA marketplace even though it’s not open season. [/quote]

If continuing to work full-throttle during a family medical emergency would “sacrifice” your career at a given company, I’d argue it’s better to learn that early.

I think you’re putting too much of your own situation onto this one.  If the OP’s husband had a stroke, would you still suggest she go on the business trip?  This country’s obsession with working long hours is deeply unhealthy.  It’s quite possible that the acute stress of the OP’s husband having to work all-hours for two weeks, while he was already in a difficult situation, and the resulting lack of sleep precipitated this suicidal crisis.  That’s not okay.

If the OP ends up a single parent, she’ll need to learn to work smarter, not necessarily longer hours.  Just because that’s the model for many large companies doesn’t mean it’s the only one.  Rely on family and friends, absolutely, AND tend to your own health.  What happens if the OP has to work those kinds of bananas hours and has a similar health crisis?  Is work going to be there for her?[/quote]

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