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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It helps to have lots of money to spend. Money buys time, which can be key during the first year. Have meals (for adults) delivered, send out your laundry, hire cleaners and landscapers, hire a nanny or pay whatever it takes to host a beloved family member to care for the child as much as you like, etc.

[b]Of course, the number one thing is to have a gentle and compliant child. It's eye-opening to see very nice people get crushed by a "difficult" child or the smugness of those whose babies easily took to the breast and slept through the night for 12+ hours.
[/b]
I missed on both counts but maybe that means more luck for you![/quote]

I'm so glad someone said this! There has been a lot of good advice on this thread (even the conflicting advice can give you ideas about topics to think about) but one thing to remember about parenting is that you are bringing a third personality into your home and into your family. I always say "parenting  is like a box of chocolates. you never know what you're going to get" a la Forrest Gump, because it is so true! So the poster who said "be flexible" is also right on. If you get a difficult child (or a child with special needs, for that matter) it will absolutely be harder on your marriage than if you get an easy one. The poster who said "prepare for the worst, hope for the best" -- that's about the size of it. It was amazing to watch when all the ladies in my childbirth class had their babies and we would get together in the weeks and months thereafter. It was so obvious that my baby was so much more challenging than theirs and it was NOT FAIR. Fast forward five years and two more kids, and my oldest is still challenging while his two siblings are much more easygoing. (And thank god).

Also would echo the above advice about if he's a good guy it will all work out. My DH has endured sex droughts during breastfeeding three times now. He is a very hands on parent and does his share or more of work around the house even though I SAH now. He is a good guy and always has been. I never worried about how our marriage would weather children and was right not to worry. We are different as parents than we were as a young childless couple but our marriage is as strong as it ever was, or stronger. Being on the same page about parenting topics has helped (e.g. we do not believe in spanking, both placed value on breastfeeding, stuff like that that could cause a major conflict if you disagreed about it).[/quote]

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