Reply to Were you the favorite child? Do you know why? Do you have a favorite child?

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Reply to "Were you the favorite child? Do you know why? Do you have a favorite child?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can’t remember the article, but there was a study done years back. They looked at hundreds of families with multiple children. Parents were surveyed, asked to fill out questionnaires and interviewed. What the study showed is that while parents thought they were treating their kids equitably were actually not. Unknowingly or unconsciously they actually had preferential treatment with certain kids. [/quote]

I believe it.

One problem is that parents don't think about certain behaviors as being part of their "treatment" of kids. Like they might think they are being equal because they give all their kids the same opportunities and support. But I always knew my sister was my parents favorite because they always spoke of her admirably, both to her face and when she wasn't around. They didn't speak to me that way -- I was more likely to get "annoyed" or "bored". Kids pick up on that and it's the kind of thing that is hard to hide.

Also, sometimes you have to treat your kids unequally in order to be equitable, and it can create asymmetries. My baby brother just needed more help than the rest of us, in every way. My parents gave it to him, as they should. And I don't resent it, but it does happen to mean that I had to figure some stuff out on my own that he had help with. It's just how it goes. It's not unfair but it doesn't always feel great. Kids want the attention and approval of their parents. It's hard to be the one who does okay with less.[/quote]

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