Reply to "You should have another kid"

Forum Index » Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities

Reply to ""You should have another kid""

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a second child 5 years after the birth of my first with special needs, in part because I realized I would be intensely miserable if all I ever was, was the parent of a SN child. It may seem selfish, but since I'd always wanted kids, I thought I deserved a chance to have a normal child-raising experience. So we rolled the dice and won the lottery. Our oldest has taught all of us in the family humility and resilience when dealing with daily mental and physical illness. And our second has shown us how joyful and worry-free parenting a neurotypical child can be.

If any of you are hesitating, I just wanted to relay my experience. Perhaps some of the people closest to you who have asked you this question have this concern in the back of their mind, but can't quite articulate it.[/quote]

We are in the same boat. It is such a relief. And so much fun. [/quote]

I'm sure you did not mean it this way, but it is sad to read that you consider the second kid as 'winning the lottery.' I'm hopeful your parenting doesn't reflect that sentiment, though.[/quote]

I'm the PP who said that. My oldest is now 17 and my "lottery" kid is 12. I know full well that my 12 year old could have a terrible accident or come down with a terrible illness or take a turn in her life that's makes us all stressed out. But for now, she is the "lottery" kid in that I.  don't.  worry.  about her.
And since I worry every day about my 17 year old, and have worried *every single day of his life*... I can't put into words what a balm it is to have such a second child!
My first has taken years off my life, PP. Parenting him has brought me close to divorce twice. As soon as he was born, my husband and I had to rethink our entire life trajectory. Our lives revolve around him and his needs. And this will continue for I don't know how many years.

So pardon me, but it's not appropriate for you to criticize until you've walked in my shoes. I am merely describing my experience. I accept that yours is different.

[/quote]

Yes but what you are saying is that your second child turned out NT so you feel really happy. Great!

So what?

You acknowledged that it was a high stakes gamble. I’m saying you have no business telling other people to reconsider their monumental life decision just because you got lucky. You got lucky. That’s all. It’s no basis for giving anyone else your “anecdotal experience.” Your experience has zero impact on how my second child would turn out. And you sure wouldn’t be there to pitch in if it went sideways. So enjoy what you have and leave it be!

[/quote]

PP you replied to. You and OP both pointed this out, and I have to say that in real life I don't say a word to anyone. I am not the sort of person to pipe up and say "you should have another kid". My first post was to explain that perhaps your relatives who care about you mention this with this thought in mind: that maybe it's worth it to roll the dice? Or maybe it's not. I am not categorical, I do not judge or command. I only wish to remind you of that possibility, if it is indeed a possibility for you. Only YOU get to decide.

So don't accuse me of doing something I have not done. I will not comment to your face. But I am asking the question here, with love. If it's not in the cards, it's not, and of course I respect that.
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics