Reply to Who takes care of elderly, non-local parents?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sorry to be cold but their care is their own responsibility.  *If* you want to, you could agree to coordinating their care, using their money. Him being the executor is neither here nor there unless they are not currently in control of their own finances.

I would tell your brother (1) that you disagree that you're responsible but (2) as your parents are still healthy, now is an excellent time to discuss with them what their wishes and plans are, and you'll let him know when the family zoom call is. Then approach it with your parents however you see fit.

Discussing this now is smart. But your bro sounds like an ahole and if they've recently discussed their estate with him maybe they will be difficult too. Stick to your boundaries. [/quote]

OP, lots of good insights shared here, including these by this PP.

OP, is there any chance that your parents proposed/agreed to this? I'm assuming your DD here, but may be mistaken. Some parents have very traditional roles on caregiving, expecting the daughter(s) to handle the caregiving and the son(s) to handle the finances (possibly because they also think they will get better care if handled by a woman).

If this were me, I would suss this out in an open-ended convo with your parents BEFORE I delved into specifics with your brother. This is not to mean that you will then be the caregiver because that is their expectation, but that you are better prepared in how you want so shape your response and draw your boundaries. You do NOT want to be gobsmacked in a Zoom call without doing organizing work prior.

And while it might not feel that way, this is also just a great opening to better understand your parents' finances, their expectations on how they will live in their later years, etc. Maybe they are already anticipating moving to a CCRC in some years when they can still reside in independent living. Or maybe their plan is to be carried out of their home at the very end.

Having a read on the finances is super helpful. My parents didn't have much, but it also helped my siblings and me when we had to face hard decisions and know our limited options. DH's parents are substantially more wealthy but have spent a lot of money that may be needed in their later years.

OP, good luck to you - report back![/quote]

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