Reply to WWYD if your go-to friend was kind of snappy with you?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here:

Last night, I was hosting a dinner party. She knew this and kept calling me. I answered her right before and said I had to go as guests were arriving. After an hour, she had texted me over 30 times and called me 4. I had ignored them all, mainly because I was busy and not next to my phone. The boundary was “I have people coming over and I’ll talk to you tomorrow”. Not sure why I have to keep telling her that. If my friend was hosting a bunch of guests, I wouldn’t keep texting because it would be understood that they aren’t going to be available. [/quote]

When she texted you in the morning you had the perfect opportunity to communicate the issue (generally and from the dinner party) and to tell her you needed space and to step back from the friendship. Instead you said okay, which is just a non answer and now you are spending time wondering why she isn’t texting you? You both sound like drama.[/quote]

I don’t think she’s wondering why the friend isn’t texting. I think she’s wondering what the DCUM  posters suffering from anxiety would do next in her friend’s shoes. I think she’s trying to get a feel for if the relationship is over or if this is the calm before the storm. Also, the less anxious posters are validating by saying friends shouldn’t be using friends as therapists. She’s probably trying to prepare herself for whatever might come next.

I get that some people aren’t good at social cues, but this friend trampled all over hints, then danced across that boundary set about the dinner party. If OP wants to spell it out and invite an argument, that’s fine, her choice. It won’t fix things, but if that’s what she wants to try, good on her. But if she wants to go cold and give responses with less than 5 words until her “friend” finally finds a new target for her issues, that also reasonable. The friend knows what happened. She was there. If she doesn’t have a decent enough grasp on reality to know why 30 texts and 4 calls in an hour during a dinner party are inappropriate, chances are she won’t take too kindly to any reasonable explanation OP can offer about boundaries or phone etiquette. Friend needs help, OP isn’t her therapist. [/quote]

OP here, 
And just like that she's back. Texted me this morning about getting together for lunch. I told her that I am busy this week and would let her know when I know my schedule for next week.[/quote]

Why? You’re clearly over her, understandably so. If you keep any connection with her “and just like that” she’ll be back…again and again. Not respecting boundaries. Again and again. She’s clearly not capable.

Unless you tell her point blank you can’t handle her neediness and you are not a therapist and you need a break, then don’t come whining when she’s “back.” Duh.[/quote]

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