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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I've posted about this before. My parents and ILs don't like each other. I think it's mostly my parents that have caused the problem over the years, but my ILs are now being almost as problematic as them. [b]Playing the victim,[/b] "we'll sit by ourselves since your parents don't like us and you can sit with them" at events for my DD. I'm kind of at my wits end with all of them. After the last time, I very bluntly told my MIL that I'm not dealing with it anymore. I'm not concerning myself with who sits where and I expect all four of them to be civil or they will no longer be invited to things. They will be a part of each other's lives for many years to come and will have to see each other occasionally. They don't have to be friends, but everyone needs to grow up and do what's best for their grandchild ... and honestly for DH and me too because I get so anxious at events where I know they will both be there. And I will not just invite one set and not the other.

I can tell MIL is hurt and now I feel a bit bad like I snapped at her (when she's historically been less of a problem than my mom) but I think it needed to be said. Am I out of line?[/quote]

Honest question . . . do you think your MIL was playing a victim here, or was she following your actions (not pushing back on your parents, who are the toxic ones) to their logical conclusion? If you are de factor prioritizing your parents by allowing them to sit with you and ostracize your ILs, then what else is MIL supposed to do? She could have been more direct and asked you to intervene more with your parents, but I don't see that she really did anything wrong here.

I do wonder if you've lashed out at the "safe" grandparent because the other grandparents can't be reasoned with, like when a teenager lashes out at the stable parent knowing that the other alcoholic or abusive parent cannot take their negative feelings.[/quote]

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