Reply to This is really bothering me- always being "on" as the parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Look at this way. The way he is acting is normal and the way you are acting is not.

It’s weird you never say, I’m not driving and I’m sleeping in tomorrow morning.

I won’t be home Wednesday because I’m going out/working out/visiting friend.

I’m going away with girlfriends for 4 days, tag you are it.

It’s odd you don’t ask for what you need to feel like you are not “always on”.

You’d rather you both be “always on” than you be more like him and do what normal healthy people do and take time for yourself and enjoy life.[/quote]

DP. Lol no. I can’t tell you every time I have to fight tooth and nail to be able to go out. One time he even made me take DS on a girl’s night out (that I had planned days earlier and told him about). The other time he was calling me while I was sitting getting my hair cut freaking out that he “had to go” and was going to leave DS home alone (again I had told him about it days in advance.)

DH literally never clears his plans with me. He just leaves or doesn’t show up. Works as late as he “needs”. Has been this way since baby was born. [/quote]

PP, there is more going on with him. No parent should threaten he will leave a child home alone the way your DH did. I would wonder if DH has some kind of mental issue where he does not retain what he's told and he needs a visual calendar always on him to remind him. Or maybe he's just a jerk who would prefer you never leave the house and just stay there, raising "his" kids, while he does as he pleases.

The fact you have to "fight tooth and nail to be able to go out" without a child along is a marriage-killer, certainly an affection killer at a minimum. I would be sure not to get pregnant with him again or this will go on for many more years. Does he like to be in control in other ways? Financial? Wants to control the kids' activities, their friendships, your own friendships? I'd be looking for a larger pattern. The "I'll leave DS here alone" thing is just a huge, red flag. Have you ever tried telling him, at a time when it's calm and you are not trying to go out at that time, that he does this constantly and it is not how a parent or a husband acts, if he wants to stay in a marriage? [/quote]

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