Reply to This is shaping up to be an awful death (vent)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry, OP. It is so hard. My dad had a terrible last few months with delirium and dementia brought on by end stage Parkinsons. He called me multiple times a day in total distress and it was horrifying. He got in the habit of calling me at 9:30 at night, just as I got into bed to read after exhausting days. I had to stop taking his calls then, as terrible as that was, because if I did I wouldn't be able to get to sleep.

Remember this: we are not how we die. We are how we LIVE. The measure of your dad's life is the full scope of it, not this terrible bad moment (in the broad scope of things) at the end.

Dying is rotten, uncomfortable, lonely, and frightening for most of us - inherently, even if everything is done right. Until the last months my dad had my mom lovingly caring for him, daily aids, his kids and grandkids...and he was in psychic pain. No one could do his dying for him, and so he had to face it in all it's loneliness and emptiness. You can't die for your dad, either. He has to go through this.

Hug him, hold his hand, play his favorite music. When things got bad I started reading poetry to my dad, either in person or over the phone. Mary Oliver was a favorite.

Sending wishes for comfort and peace to you, OP. You are going through a very hard time. Be kind and good to yourself.[/quote]

Thank you so much. I love the suggestion of Mary Oliver. He's always liked her work.[/quote]

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