Reply to Why isn’t divorce justified if my wife lets herself slide or withholds?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's wrong to feel entitled to somebody else's body for the sake of your own gratification. Also the reason you wife is "letting herself slide" and "withholding" is because she doesn't want to look cute for or have sex with somebody who feels entitled to her body for his own gratification. You're not treating her like her own person with her own desires, feelings, etc.

As for divorce being justified, I dunno. Depends on how many innocents will be hurt by the divorce. [/quote]

I’m a woman but I loathe this stance. Of course his wife should be treated like her own person, and likewise, she should be intimate with her husband; it’s part of marriage and if it’s not happening, it’s time for counseling. Nobody should be forced to endure a sexless marriage. And I say this as someone who lost my drive and struggle with this in my own marriage.

He may not be entitled to her body, but he’s entitled to divorce. The part about “letting herself go” does rub me the wrong way, though.[/quote]

Jesus you are ridiculous move to Missouri with the other hand maids [/quote]

DP and as psycho feminist as they come but I agree. No woman should be pressured into s3x. No woman should be forced into s3x. But those two central truisms are not incompatible with another truth, 'barring specific exceptional circumstances, people enter into marriage with the expectation of having regular s3x and not having s3x with your spouse will likely lead to a significant degradation in the quality of the relationship, up to and including divorce'.

'No one should have to endure a sexless marriage' is directly compatible with 'no one should be forced to have sex they don't want to have'. Both mean that both parties in the relationship have agency and can advocate for their own needs. Both mean that all relationships are voluntary, as they should be. [/quote]

Someone shouldn't have to have sex with someone who's being a jerk to them, though. Saying it's part of marriage comes with the implication that it's a functional marriage, where people are reasonably nice to one another and try to get along. When that degrades, sex diminishes too, because they're connected. That's a big part of OP's problem I believe.[/quote]

I said no one should have sex if they don't want to. No qualifiers on why they don't. You are correct that the implication is that it is a functional marriage, but I know women in marriages where they have let it slide for long periods of time because it just isn't as important to them and that has degraded the relationship too. Not prioritizing s3x degrades the marriage just as much as not pulling your weight or anything else.

I'm not saying women who aren't having s3x with their husbands are bad wives, there are a lot of reasons this happens, I'm just saying that prioritizing s3x is a part of keeping a marriage healthy (an activity that has MANY parts) and that just like it is ok for a person in the relationship to say 'I'm unhappy and don't want to have s3x' it is also ok for the other person to say, 'I don't want to live without s3x and this is what will push us over the hump into divorce'. In that situation I don't think either party is wrong.

OP's problem is that he is a misogynist. Because he does not actually want a divorce, he wants to coerce his wife into having s3x with him. Because the concept of a 'justified' divorce is very antiquated and he is just bitter that the only choices before him are stay with someone he doesn't like or accept the vast logistical and financial consequences of divorce. [/quote]

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