Reply to 18-year-old DD doesn’t think she has to listen to us anymore

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If she’s so independent, is she planning on paying for college and health insurance too?  She needs some tough love, I think.   Is this other family really willing to feed, house and clothe her for free?  How long can that last?  [/quote]

She has a scholarship but I don’t think she realizes what other expenses will come with university.  We don’t want to hang it over her head or threaten to not pay if she moves out because that seems extreme.  I’m hoping she learns a lesson these next few months and grows to appreciate what DH and I do for her.

Yes, we have some rules but she hasn’t had to work 25-30 hours a week through HS like her friend has.[/quote]

You're behaving really recklessly OP.  So recklessly that I can't quite believe it.  All over chores? You're going to kick her out over chore and her curfew? Let me tell you what will not happen:  she will not "learn a lesson." She will go off to college completely alienated and will not come home again. She'll take loans and jobs to pay for it.  That will be the end of your relationship with her, forever, or for a very long time.

I think you should call a truce and go see a family therapist.  [/quote]

I’m not kicking her out though?

She wants to leave.  Do I let her?

Honestly how exactly would you handle it?  I’m genuinely curious.

End your DDs curfew?  Tell her she no longer has chores?  (Which are very basic, btw.  Keep her room clean, so the dishes two nights a week, feed the dog every morning). [/quote]

NP. I'm confused as to what you mean by your question about whether you should "let her" leave. She's 18. If she wants to leave, you have to let her. It could be/would be a terrible judgement on her part, but you have no authority to prevent it. How would you stop her? Forcing an adult to stay somewhere or go somewhere against their will is illegal. You don't have to give her any money or resources, or let her in your house, but letting her leave? You certainly do have to let her to do that whether you want to or not.

If you don't want to kick her out or drive her into the street, I'd get rid of the curfew and sit down for a "you want to be a legal adult so here's what an adult roommate relationship looks like" talk. Sharing chores, not freeloading, with rights come responsibilities, here are the bills, etc. She needs a dose of adult reality, since she seems to want it so badly, and you need to adjust the framework of your relationship because legally, she's right and she doesn't have to listen to you. But she also needs to realize the consequences of that. The roots of this probably started much earlier, though. [/quote]

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