Reply to What is a "pick me" woman?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Used to describe a heterosexual woman that generally subscribes to a submissive , male-centered , doormat-like persona in order to attract/snag a husband.

Generally used by single women to describe other single women.[/quote]

Ah see that's not how I see pick me woman. To me it means someone who constantly tries to get attention on them. They seek validation by males and often try to fake that "I'm not like other girls" personality. I've met one person like this in my adult life (i feel like its a more common teenage girl thing) and it's so odd

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pick-me%20girl[/quote]

+1 this is how I understand it as well. I have always heard it as an accusation that a woman is kind of betraying other women by working so hard to get attention and love, sometimes even putting other women down in order to prove she’s better.

Like the mental image I get is the kid in the front of class raising her hand to answer every question, bringing the teacher gifts, etc. Like “pick me, pick me! I’m the BEST one.” It’s tiresome.

Pick me women also stir up competition among women even if the other women don’t want to compete with each other. The worst pick me woman I have known would pull this thing where, if a group of us were out somewhere and met a guy or two, she’d say stuff like “oooh, let’s play a game— which one of us do you think has the best eyes?” It was so gross. I remember once just walking out and getting an Uber and going home when she pulled this crap. It was so dumb.[/quote]

How do you justify labeling and demeaning other women by using the derogatory term "pick me" to describe them if you believe that women should not "betray" other women?

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Did you read the post. The term is derogatory because the behavior is bad. I'm not labeling a woman because of how she looks, what she does for a living, how she dresses, etc. I'm labeling her for how she behaves, and specifically how she treats other women in order to position herself in front of men.

It's not about being loyal to other women or betraying them. I don't personally believe in a sisterhood. Women are just people. But I have encountered women who will put down other women or try to draw favorable comparisons between themselves and other women in order to get the attention of a guy. And usually, it's a guy with money and status, the sort of guy who wants to make sure he gets the "best" woman. It's gross and demeaning to other women. I do not care one whit how a woman chooses to date or interact with men, but don't drag other women into it just to make yourself look good. It's user behavior and I have zero trouble calling it out.

As for PPs who say they've behaved this way as a result of past abuse -- I am very sorry for your experiences and wish you only healing. I am an abuse survivor myself. I too have engaged in toxic, hurtful, demeaning behavior towards other people due to the feeling of worthlessness and need for validation as a result of past abuse. BUT I know it's not justified. It's never justified. I probably have acted like a "pick me" woman before. It's not okay and I'm glad I know what it is, that there is a word for it and I know how to spot it, so I never do it again. It's harmful behavior.

(Not to mention that when women behave this way, there's every likelihood that the women they are trying to elbow out of the way to get their man are also abuse survivors, just some food for thought.)[/quote]

It's not justified to label women for bad behavior either.
Describe the behavior and let it be. No need for labels here.

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