Reply to Breaking up because there is a lack of physical attraction/chemistry

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here:

1. I am a straight man
2. No broken family here, parents married 40+ years 
3. It’s not about “newness” it’s that the women I’ve bonded with get comfortable and stop trying to “bring it” like they did when we first started dating. I suppose this is normal, but even if my “bindings goes up and the emotional connection is stronger, it doesn’t mitigate the physical chemistry being meh. [/quote]

You are doing something wrong.

I have girlfriends who will not step out of their bedrooms without looking very good.

Your radar for these kids of women is off. I am not sure how you fix it, but these women are out there. You just haven't met the right one. Keep looking.[/quote]

The ones I’ve had long term relationships with are like that for 6-10months. Then the slow slide to comfort town begins. Meanwhile I keep my routine of hitting the gym, dressing nicely, basically still trying to be the same person who attracted them to begin with. It’s not reciprocated. And same for sexual appeal/availability.[/quote]

If it keeps happening, and you don't think it's a "you" problem, then your selection criteria are in need of improvement.  This might be difficult because if you have been selecting for obvious qualities like physical appearance, chemistry, sex appeal, enthusiasm, NRE, etc., you might be ignoring more abstract qualities which make for a better chance of a successful long term relationship.   That would include that your partner acknowledges the importance of actively working to remain physically attractive to you rather than perhaps getting lazy after 6-10 months.

What are your core values?  You need to really think about that.   After you get that figured out, you have to try to be that person in your own life, and then, you need to try to only spend time with people who share those values, and not waste time dating people who don't.

In your case, one of those values might be, "My partner places a high importance on doing his/her best to work at remaining as physically attractive and appealing to me as he/she possibly can over the long term."   Of course, you have to also be committed to being that same kind of partner yourself.  And that's only a single example of a value that you need to think about and select for.

What are your values in a partner?  In yourself?  Why do you think a super-partner who will work at remaining attractive to you over the long term, should want to pair up with you in the first place?  Do you bring anything to the table other than "meh"?  That would make a potential partner actually CARE about your feelings?  Only you can answer this for yourself, but you need to be honest.[/quote]

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