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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Never get involved with anyone who has an ex wife and children.  Now you know why [/quote]

+1. As divorced mom with kids, I much prefer single men without kids. I can afford to be picky b/c I'm attractive enough and I don't need another man's paycheck.

The thing is, 50-100 years ago, when a divorced/widowed man with kids married a divorced/widowed woman with kids, he would bring home paychecks and she would do the childcare. This was a fair trade at that time. The ex-spouses were usually either passed away or completely out of the picture. But nowadays at least among upper middle class divorces, the biological dad is usually still financially providing for the kid and the divorced mom usually has her own income as well, so she doesn't need to paycheck from her new partner. But on the other hand, if she marries a man with kids, she would still sign up for lots of childcare work (changing diapers like OP mentioned). Sounds like a pretty bad deal for the stepmother.

The stepfather would get applause from everyone as long as he doesn't molest/abuse the step kids and occasionally help with homework/sports or take them to get ice cream. The stepmother gets no credit when things go right, but gets all the blame when things go wrong. No thanks, I'll pass. [/quote]

Yes, that's pretty much it. I think it's especially good for young women to see this. They have way more options than to get tied down to parenting other people's children. Don't get involved with these men.[/quote]

I was the PP and I just want to say that the only scenario that I would consider dating a man with kids is if he can demonstrate that he is a very hands-on father and has no intention of dumping all the childcare work on me (which is what OP's husband did). Otherwise it's a hard pass for me regardless how much money he has. [/quote]

This is only a partial strategy because if you meet someone who has older kids then you won't be needed for hands-on childcare. BUT. Bigger kids, bigger problems. Meeting someone who has tweens or teens is even harder. They often will never accept your relationship and the attitude will carry over long after they are adults and have children of their own.

My advice is never get married to someone who has kids from another relationship. Period. That goes for both men and women. [/quote]

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