Reply to Problems with my four year old. I need a super nanny.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Pp who said it’s catering - no. She is getting into insane power struggles with a four-year-old, and she is losing. And she has no idea why these things are going wrong at home. An insane monster of a child does not come from somebody sitting down with them and problem-solving, it comes from having no idea what to expect in their environment and having people escalate and make it worse by doing things like spanking and imposing arbitrary consequences when they don’t know what the problem is. 
Taking the time to calm down, get a head of the problems, they know they have right now, and keep things from escalating will always help. If a kid is hungry before dinner, and out of control and taking food, the answer is not to spank them. Give them a snack that includes things  they would be eating in half an hour, anyway like carrot sticks, and reset.

Being compassionate, and working to understand what the issue is, does not mean that there are no boundaries or rules or limitations. It means that you start from a point of empathy and make sure that what your expectations are and your timing works for everyone. You don’t say well I don’t know what to do and I don’t like how he’s acting so I’m gonna punish him and not change any of the factors that are contributing to these big problems

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+ a million. I can’t believe some of the suggestions in this post. Spanking. Driving toys to the dump. This is how you are going to earn your child’s respect? Kids remember this stuff.

I have a sensitive kid. 1 2 3 magic didn’t work at all. It just escalated and made her afraid. Your 3 to 4 year old is trying to tell you they aren’t a baby anymore. They are also not an adult. You get to hold firm boundaries like if you throw food, I take it away or if you won’t dress yourself, I will dress you. But if you can give them even a tiny bit of a role in improving the situation, you are going to do so much to de escalate things and help them feel loved and heard. Ask yourself where do I need to be more consistent and firm of course (not punitive! just consistent!) but also ask yourself where you can give 10 or 20 percent to empower your kid to help solve the problem.  [/quote]

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