Reply to How do you stay married to an ASD HFA Aspergers husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a couple of friends married to guys like this and both came from families that were highly emotionally reactive (lots of yelling, high passions, etc) so the relatively dispassionate relationships with their DHs initially came as a relief but over time they now need more, which is understandable.

Agreed. I think this happens a lot.[/quote]

This is OP
This is an interesting point.
Yes, I come from a very emotional family, and my DH's calmness was initially very appealing.
But as time went on, particularly after our second child, he had a harder time holding himself together at home. That's when he started disappearing inside work and himself, moving further away and becoming emotionally unavailable. 
We have an ASD child, which he could not handle at all. I have done almost 100% of family and child stuff since our first child was born.
I'd thought he was selfish, or it had to do with his narcissist mother, but recently we both learned that he is on the spectrum. It was an eye-opener for both of us.
But it has changed nothing. He's still emotionally unavailable and married to his work.
That's why I asked if anyone out there has made this type of marriage work. He is willing, and he does understand that I may leave of we can't learn to communicate better. 
Is that possible? We don't fight any more. I treat him like a teenager, spelling everything out to him. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. I love him, and it would kill me to get divorced, but I die a little every day from loneliness. 
[/quote]

No, that is the life, but it can be pleasant. You just have to change your expectations. And your life will get easier in time too. It seems like he's willing to work with you so why not try it? Can you move to a more cost-effective area? I feel like this area is the worst with so many type A people around. I think he will be a calming presence for your child.[/quote]

Moving house with kids solo, that sounds fun. [/quote]

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