Reply to The “DH won’t use inheritance” thread is the #1 reason I will not give my adult children too much $$

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Reply to "The “DH won’t use inheritance” thread is the #1 reason I will not give my adult children too much $$"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am the OP from the thread referenced here.  I am well aware of the financial difficulties that many people face.  I get that people often don't have money for gas or groceries.  I have relatives who use food banks and give plasma.  My parents earned their money through a very unglamorous business and did not grow up wealthy.  I grew up in flyover country. In my work I have also lived in some extremely disadvantaged communities (and I mean literally sharing the same housing as people who have nothing ) in the US and abroad  If anything it is my DH who is completely out of touch with the financial difficulties people face.  He grew up with professional parents in a wealthy suburb and he just doesn't get that their are people who have nothing for retirement let alone to pay the rent or a car repair.  You are making some serious generalizations here.  [/quote]

Answer this question since you ignored it on the other thread - since your parents handled your first downpayment, private school, vacations - where did all of your savings go? Why isn’t that enough to fund the house you want? Or have you been living above your means?[/quote]

OP here.  We have substantial savings.  DH doesn't want to touch that either.  He seems to want to accumulate millions of dollars in liquid assets, presumably because he is obsessed with funding 100% of his  brother's financial needs once he mom goes.  I look at the totality of our family's accounts and it seems crazy to me that he will not agree to spend more on a new house.  Like, insane.  I think any reasonable person would say that we can put more towards a house that better suits our needs at this point in our life  without being profligate.  It makes me feel like any financial gains we ever have, he will want to hold onto for his brother rather than for his own kids.  Can people see how I'm resentful of the situation?   [/quote]

Yep, I see it, and I would feel the same way. I think you get him to counseling and/or financial advisor. Counseling because his fear about brother's situation is outsized, and could be handled better if he is informed and being realistic about it. Financial advising - same, but with more specific advice about this special situation, it can likely be handled more affordably with more information. I bet your DH is super competent, but has this one spot where he is blinded because of trauma. He can't deal with mom, brother, and wants badly to ignore it, at your family's cost.[/quote]

+100. This is great advice. I was the husband for many years, and therapy was life changing. There are solutions out there for him (financial solutions.)[/quote]

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