Reply to How do you identify the “good guy”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Life isn’t black and white. I married a guy who when we were dating was very caring and good at caretaking but who had difficulties emotionally regulating. Ten plus years on, he’s a devoted father and quite reliable, but the emotional regulation piece is tanking our marriage and very hard to live with.

I agree with the poster who said you picked based on how he looked on paper. Marriage really is the whole person — not just certain aspects of how they fill certain roles. [/quote]

People can still lie to you or change. Tons of people I know where the man had a reasonable but not exciting career and was caring, religious, held same values. Family man for a while and then ran off with some AP who tempted him. Sometimes this stuff is happening 30 plus years into the marriage. You can't say that someone somehow knew how this person would act 30 years later.

I've learned that we can only control ourselves and take responsibility for ourselves.[/quote]

Yep.  I’ve been around long enough (53 years) to see “good” people lose their damn minds in middle age and do really shocking stuff.

People have midlife crisis, mental health issues, unprocessed trauma cone out as parents die and kids get the age they were when abused.

It’s nuts.[/quote]

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