Reply to Two working parents and comparable jobs struggling to negotiate whose job gets priority

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do any other dual working parents of young kids run into this? Both my spouse and I have comparable jobs but I make about 10 percent more. My job is more demanding and requires a high degree of availability and responsiveness but no travel.  His job is more flexible but requires more travel and in person work, so he expects me to be the primary parent to cover him constantly, which increasingly impacts my ability to do my job. I feel like with all these constant school closures and illnesses we are constantly negotiating whose job gets priority. And it seems like my husband just expects that because I am “the mom” that it be me. [b]We have a nanny but when the kids are sick they just want mom so she’s of limited help to me and it seems like they are sick constantly for the last few months. [/b]

How do other working couples negotiate this? I feel like it would be easier if one of us had a big job and the other did not, or one of us stayed home. [/quote]

If you have a nanny, where is the issue.  If they want mom or dad, then one would hope you'd find the time, but if your job is more important, that's why you are paying someone.[/quote]

Agreed.  OP's problem is that she lets the children make the household decisions.

OP, if you were working out of the house and your child had to stay home from school sick, what would you do?  Wouldn't you just leave the child home with the nanny?  That's what you are paying her for, caring for your children, so you can work.  So, you should do that.  If you are paying for a nanny, but you take time off work when one of the kids is sick, even though you have a nanny, you are the problem, not your husband.

You need to stop catering to the child when the nanny is there and just go and work.  You are creating a problem for yourself and it isn't because your husband's job is more important than yours.  It's that you believe that the nanny's job is more important than yours.  So you are prioritizing caring for your sick child over working.  You do have the choice to prioritize your work over caring for your sick children since you have a nanny to care for them, even if they are whining.[/quote]

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