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[quote=Anonymous]Here's a hot tip:

Do not just sit around waiting for your adult child to get married, buy a house, and have children before you express interest or investment in their lives. First off, since people do these things later in life than they used to, you will miss out on a lot of your adult child's life this way. Second, your kids will notice and realize that you don't really care about them, only about the way that they can reflect you or provide you with bragging rights or grandchildren.

Also, if you have kids who take different paths in life, don't just focus your attention on the ones why take a path more similar to yours. This is so obvious to your kids, they will notice and it will impact your relationship to them.

Oh, and don't assume that having kids is the only thing that requires support for you. You see this a lot. Your kids can go through all kinds of things for which you love and support can be helpful. Don't just reach out to them or offer that support when they have kids. Again, this feels self-serving because it feels like it's not really about them but just about your "legacy" or wanting to be seen like a certain kind of grandparent.

A relationship with your adult child is like a relationship with any adult, in many ways. If you nurture it, respect them and express an interest in them, the relationship will flourish. If you neglect it, assume it will be there when you want it to be, are judgmental and a user, it will not flourish.

The mistake a lot of parents make is in taking these relationships for granted and assuming their kids will love and respect them because they are their kids, even if they give nothing. It doesn't work like that.[/quote]

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