Reply to Parents in 70s plan trips without consulting adult children

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Parents in 70s plan trips without consulting adult children"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’d enjoy every minute of time you get to spend with them.[/quote]

You think you would, but would realize it’s really intrusive and disrespectful, as if you’re their property and they can do whatever you want.

OP, you need to set some boundaries. Find some language that isn’t hurtful but clearly sets the boundaries you would like them to respect.[/quote]

I've tried to set boundaries. Do you have suggested language like someone else suggested like "that doesn't work for our schedule"? I've said "we aren't available" or "we are not going to be home". They have come anyway, descended upon the house or kids' games, etc. or rescheduled their flights for a weekend that "works". If we say we have other plans, like we are going skiing or we are attending a friend's wedding, they will make comments about how family is more important and how do we have time for X friend but not our own mother or father? [/quote]

Here's the thing about setting boundaries. There might not ever be a thing you can say that will make your parents happy about your new rules. The goal isn't "I get what I want and my parents are happy," it's "This reasonable request I made is respected, and I was polite without being a door mat." Meaning that you're allowed to say no, but you're not allowed to yell NO and then spit on them. They might not like it when you say no, and they might push back or argue that you should change your mind. They might even try to guilt trip you. That's okay. It doesn't mean you have to change your mind. When they try to get you to cancel your plans and say family is important, you could simply say something like "I agree. We'll see you soon but not that weekend," or "I agree, which is why I've asked you to include me when you plan your visits so I can help you find a time when I'm available to visit with you." You don't have to say, "You're right. I was wrong to set a boundary you disliked. Let me cancel my plans so I can cater to you and reinforce your belief that you get what you want every time."

You said your sister doesn't drive them back and forth to your home or shuttle them around to all their destinations. What happened when she said no? Why can't you do that too?

Your parents are extremely rude. They're breaking all sorts of rules and being disrespectful af. But you're letting them. They're probably not ever going to thank you for setting a boundary with them, but there's really no reason for you to always have to be unhappy because they won't play by the rules. You can keep being a doormat if that's easier for you, but you can also start standing up for yourself when you're ready. Your parents aren't going to wake up one day and realize they've been rude all these years dropping in whenever they want and ask forgiveness. Stop waiting for them to come to their senses.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics