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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]“I want to go on a walk around the lake this afternoon.  It is important to me that you come with me.”

What would he say?[/quote]

NP - and my husband's response would be "no."

Some people are sedentary and, trust me, there is no nagging and encouraging them out of it. I feel incredibly, gobsmackingly lucky that being active feels good to me and that it is what I want to do naturally - similarly, I am so gd grateful that my natural inclination is to eat pretty well. It's not the case for my spouse, who sounds a lot like OP's husband - though a decade earlier, and considerably healthier.

And OP is understandably worried and frustrated. At this age - at any age, but especially as you get older - these things can really catch up to you. Not that eating well and exercising is any GUARANTEE of a long and healthy life - if only - but they at least give you a better shot. It is very worrying to look at the spouse you love, and see them deliberately lowering the chances that you will get to grow older together. Additionally - it would be really nice if the spouse wanted to actually do those active things with you. My husband and I love to take day trips together and we have activities we share, but he is never going to hike with me, kayak with me, golf with me, learn pickleball with me - these sorts of active activities that many older couples like to do together.

For myself, I deal with this in a few ways: I cultivate activity friends who will hike and paddle with me, so I am not relying on my husband to do things he can't and won't do. It's not as good as having a live-in mate who wants to go for a bike ride on a nice day, but it's better than skipping the stuff because he won't do it.

On the weekends, we do go on day trips that involve a lot of walking. I would like to see him be active on his own outside of this, but I really try to just understand that movement feels as bad to him as it feels good to me, and to try to find ways to incorporate movement in where it is feasible.

I get mad sometimes! Mad, scared, frustrated. I love this guy, and I want him to stick around as frustrating as I find him sometimes. And as much as I try to practice radical acceptance - or normal acceptance - sometimes I get angry with him. I beg him to get some exercise, to eat better. All the stuff. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. We usually return to the same baseline eventually - though he and I are both cooking more these days, with a lot more vegetables and good stuff.

I hope OP isn't a troll. I keep getting sucked into troll posts and responding with earnestness. I should stop coming to this forum, now that I think of it.[/quote]

^ a decade younger and heavier, not healthier[/quote]

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