Reply to Has anyone successfully changed the dynamic with stifling ILs?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Has anyone successfully changed the dynamic with stifling ILs?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Every grandparent I know comments about the endless energy  of young children.  We relish the downtime. I guess you could wear them out like a puppy dog. Let’s go to the park, take a hike and then, off to the zoo.  Or, use your words and tell them the kids need/want some time to play on their own.  Are there other grandchildren? What are their expectations with them?[/quote]

OP here. Talk about pressure: ours are the only grandchildren within driving distance, and only biological grandchildren. They FT my SIL an and her kids every now and then, and only fly to Oregon to see them every few years. They have seen them exactly once since COVID. Other grandkids also don’t celebrate Christmas, so that heightens it with us. Grandkid performance pressure beyond. They walk on eggshells with SIL and her wife, and stomp all over us.[/quote]

What does the fact that your children are the only biological grandchildren have to do with anything?[/quote]

OP here. For me, it has nothing to do with anything. I love my niece and nephew. For my ILs, them having a daughter who married a woman was a far bridge, and them having children that are biologically only my SIL’s wife’s was a bridge nearly too far. They have come around a bit, but it’s been tense at times, especially as my FIL is an estate attorney and has always been convinced that if something were to happen to the relationship, my SIL would be cut out of their lives and wouldn’t have legal standing.

They also have always been very into ancestry and family lore, and we have to remind them over and over that they shouldn’t only be passing heirlooms down to bio grandkids. They are very “we came from the Mayflower” (not quite but almost, and there were a few “wrong side of the blanket” twists and turns), “we are related to X famous family” (again, with a lot of interesting twists along the way). They clearly don’t view adoption as “the same” as being born a Lastname. It’s sad.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics