Reply to I've become my mother

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "I've become my mother"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom is an abusive narcissist. If I made the comment you just made, that would be super bad for society. Saying you are like you’re what seems to be very normal, caring mom is just sort of silly. [/quote]

I guess I find it difficult to be in DH's shadow without some sort of recognition myself. I know that's selfish, but I feel worthless. Anyone can be a mother. [/quote]

OP, I gave up my career because my child has special needs. Meanwhile, because we moved to the area for my job my husband's career pivoted to the path I had been on. Now he's pretty much accomplished what I wanted and I stay home (because being too involved with our child made him "feel sad"  :roll: ) I spent the first few years feeling lost and resisting the urge to explain to everyone how I use to be/do these great things. Over the years, here is what I've learned.

1) it's really hard to be a great parent, and being one is something to be proud of.

2) most of the trappings that make you feel accomplished are only meaningful within your relatively small circle of career peers. DH is giving a keynote for a conference. It's a big deal...for his field. In the big picture of life and love, it's not that big of a deal.

3) After people retire what they care most about is their family, and the people who care the most about them are their family.

4) Aside from very few of us, 50-100 years after we die we will be completely forgotten. It's just how it goes.

While I've definitely been "left behind" career wise, I am not disconnected from things that matter. They just aren't the things I thought would matter the most 20 year ago. I think the problem is not exactly what you are doing, but the fact that you (seem to feel) so disengaged and unfulfilled by it. Try thinking of ways you can do something important that doesn't involve "recognition". If you are living a meaningful life, you don't need other people to observe it and applaud you for it.

Also...maybe get screened for depression. Feeling disconnected, like you are on autopilot, not having joy, those can all be related to depression. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics