Reply to Toxic relative is dying, I still don’t want to talk with him

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, no need to "reconcile" with him, by which I assume your mom means you need to see him in person and express something positive toward him.

I'm not sure what your mom is going through, but try telling her "Mom, I am not coming to visit, but on my own I am making peace with my relationship with Uncle Jerk, and I am sure he is making peace with his relationship with me. You don't need to worry us."

Yes, your version of "making peace" is that you accept your Uncle is a racist jerk, and his version is still being a racist jerk, but so what? You can reassure your mom and support her without seeing your uncle.[/quote]

This is what I was thinking and then flip to your mom's feelings - "Mom, I'm more concerned about you.  I'm sure facing the loss of a sibling is hard.  Tell me some good memories."

I was also wondering about the caretaker cousin.  Is s/he doing this in spite of the past relationship or have they made amends?  Learning how they're coping may help your own thinking in terms of the closure.[/quote]

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