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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A little bit. I had a SAHM mom and we don't get along great so I'm sure that's part of it. I am not a huge die-hard feminist but sometimes have a hard time shaking the knee-jerk reaction that SAHMs are falling for a gender stereotyped trap. I don't feel that way about SAHDs.[/quote]

I think a lot of people who fall very strongly on either side of the divide (SAHM is SO Much better or WOHM mom is SO much better) feel that way because they don't get along with their mom who was some extreme (e.g., you had an extremely pushy suffocating SAHM or you had an absolutely absent checked out WOHM who hired multiple nannies). But it often says more about their mom's personality than their decision to work or not work. I know for a long time I thought my mom was suffocating and pushy and superficial because she was a SAHM but after getting to know her siblings better I realize...she was always that way and would have  been that way no matter what.[/quote]

+1, I'm glad the PP mentioned this because I think this is more true than a lot of people even consciously realize. I know a lot of women who work at least in part because they had SAHMs growing up and either saw their moms being quietly miserable OR picked up on the fact that their moms were often not very valued or respected by society. Sometimes they also adopted that lack of respect towards their mothers, which is kind of sad.

I will admit to having very mixed feelings about SAHM/WOHM issues because my mom was a SAHM and was not very happy. I was in a miserable, not family friendly job when I had my first, and wound up quitting to SAHM for a bit. On the one hand, LOVED that time with my kids and felt totally productive and valued because I was working hard every day but doing something that felt meaningful and rewarding. But the minute all my kids were in school, I feel like I "became" my mom and I developed a real sense of self-loathing. I'm now working part time and sometimes I think "I have it all! This is perfect." And sometimes I think "OMG I've become my mother and my kids aren't going to respect me and I now live in a prison of my own making." I've been exploring full time work lately but the logistics are really hard with multiple school age kids -- my DH has come to rely on me being the primary parent and changing that will be an uphill battle, not to mention the extreme guilt I'm feeling just thinking about outsourcing some of our childcare when right now I know my kids are very happy to be spending that time with me (we tried to move the oldest into aftercare last year in an effort to allow me to work more hours, and she complained about it every day).

It's hard, but I can acknowledge that many of my feelings are driven by the experience and perception of my own SAHM mom. It doesn't necessarily fix the issues for me, but it's really valuable to be able to identify that this is what is happening. Just this morning I was thinking about how I needed to get a full time job so that my daughters actually see me working more (they do see me working some now, but not as much as DH) so that they understand that women work. Like it makes me feel panicky sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if the reason I became a SAHM in the first place is that my mom was one and I didn't have a good example of what it looked like to be a working mom, and that a lot of my current struggles are part of that too.

Anyway, therapy is helpful and talking this through is helpful. But one thing I know for sure is that it is never actually the fault of the person on social media posting the thing that is annoying you or making you feel resentful. It actually has nothing to do with them at all.[/quote]

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