Reply to Unwanted guests and pushy exDH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They are your son's family and this is his special day.  It sounds like you are purposely not including any of Dad's family and that is not a good example for your son.  You email Dad saying you'd love to have them and that the cost of the meal is XXX and if they'd like to come, he can pay for the meal. Stop putting your child in the middle of your divorce.  Allow him to celebrate with all his family, not just yours.  If you are saying "our" families are going, then what exactly does that mean?  You and your husband only?  It should include Dad's family too.[/quote]

OP: I am very well including his father's family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, they are all coming. He's known them for years. But he has never met his stepmother's family, he doesn't know them. Why should he be forced to have them at one of the most important days of his life? He hasn't bothered to introduce them to him, they've been here for months and now this?

I should not be forced to pay for people my child doesn't know. This will put me into another pay bracket, reception place has limited seating.

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Ask him to pay for the extra expenses.  Maybe they don't introduce your child to them because of you and how hostile you are to step-mom and her family.  He isn't being forced.  You include them as it's the right thing to do, especially if the step-mom treats your child decently.  However, it's not unreasonable to ask him to pay the extra costs.[/quote]

DS has been to that house many times. He claims he has never seen them. I am not hostile to the stepmom. Our relationship doesn't go beyond "hi-nice weather-have a nice day". She seems like a nice lady, kids like her. I think exDH is trying to show off at our DS expense. he hasn't contributed anything to this party. I don't mind exDH family being there, they've known DS and his sibling for years, they are involved in their lives.

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It doesn't sound like Dad is an actual parent but more like an uncle the kids see occasionally or weekly.  This party is about your religion, not his.  This is a party you want and organizing.  You can use the child support money to pay for it.

It doesn't sound like you really want Dad or his wife/family involved and you just tolerate them.  Maybe if the kids spent more time at Dad's house and had a real relationship, they'd know these other family members.

You don't speak of your son's paternal family as family.  Your attitude very much impacts your child's.  They want to please you.  They will say and do what pleases you.[/quote]

Such BS. Kids have relationship with their paternal grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Read my comments: exDH side of the family is invited. It is not about MY religion, exDH was always totally fine with MY religion, he wanted kids raised in Judaism. DS was always fine with celebrating both Christmas and Hanukkah.

Using child support to pay for party...please. [/quote]

You choose to have a lavishly expensive party.  You can do it far cheaper.  A relationship isn't visiting with dad a few times a month in your home under your supervision or going to dinner.  Be real.  Him agreeing to you raising the kids Jewish made sense and it's not like you care what he thinks anyway.  Your religion, your choice, you should pay.  Just tell Dad he and his relatives cannot come and be done with it.  Just severe now vs. the slow fade you are doing.

Your exDH side of the family was only partially invited.  His family includes his wife and her relatives now.  [/quote]

His family aka him, wife, parental grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins were invited almost a year ago. A YEAR in advance. All of a sudden there are these relatives who my DS doesn't even know and he is being forced to include them.

I am not paying for them. I sent exDH cost breakdown, he can figure it out. [/quote]

You knew about them.  That’s the excuse you are using to refuse overnights.  Terrible. This is not all of the sudden.  The kid would know them if you allowed dad parenting time which you are withholding.  Stop using your kids as a weapon and let them have a real relationship with their dad and his family.  You are going to only hurt your kid with these games.  [/quote]

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