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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe this can change your perspective .  If you are older and you are talking about your mom, back then women had to get married if they were pregnant out of wedlock.

Your grandfather likely figured out your mom wasn't his kid but decided to stay around for whatever reason.  The drinking could have been a manifestation of this resentment.  Was he only abusive to your mom and you?

[/quote]

Op here, he wasn't abusive to my cousins at all or me. I was 7 when he died, and I barely remember him. I only know stories of his rage via what I heard over the years and the resulting echoes of dysfunction in the family. As far as I know, he was only physically abusive to my grandmother but verbally/emotionally abusive to the entire household. The kids (my mom and aunts) saw the drunken rage and abuse; cops called, fleeing to live with relatives, etc.

Again, I am glad we aren't related. Part of my ease with separating myself from him is because there is no emotional attachment and few memories to begin. However, I would be devasted if my paternal grandfather wasn't my bio because I was crazy about him! I will admit that there may be a bit of romanticizing of who the new/bio grandfather is on my part, and other ops are correct that the reality of him could be far worse.

Alot of people out here would encourage cutting ties with the non-bio grandfather if he were still alive, so what I don't understand is why it's viewed as wrong to cut ties with the dead?

Also, for clarification, I don't fault my grandmother at all. I would never want to trade places with women of that time; they had it rough and had to do what was necessary to survive. [/quote]

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