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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DD experienced this in preschool (age 4). She was told by Girl A that she couldn't play with Girl B because Girl B was Girl A's best friend and my DD was not.

My observation is that often this behavior is learned from older siblings who are engaged in similarly competitive social dynamics.

I just always reiterate to my DD that a friend is someone who likes you and wants to spend time with you, and that if you feel bad when interacting with someone, that's a sign to find someone else to spend time with. She's gotten pretty resilient. She does play alone a lot, but also seems to be slowly making a variety of good friends (not a static group but just different friends so she has choices and  can find someone to play with even if the first person she approaches rebuffs her).

It's hard.[/quote]

I think girls are territorial, even at young ages. My daughter made a new friend A in preschool. Friend A and B used to be in the same class the previous year. Friend B got so jealous of my daughter and the mom kind of iced me out. I guess she didn’t want Friend A to play more with my daughter than Friend B.

I have had this happen to me in elementary, high school, college and even now as an adult.[/quote]

Yes, I am the PP. I personally don't think girls are more territorial, I think they get the message that they need to be territorial to survive socially. Like in your example. I think parents often want to claim a "best friend" for their kid so then they can know their kid has a friend. But this inevitably leads to territorial behavior because if your confidence in your child's social development hinges on a friendship with one friend, and that friend starts spending time with someone else, it causes fear.

That's why it is useful to just encourage children to make different friends, and if they get turned out for playing with one person, to just move onto someone else. Creating these very intense friendships at a young age sounds appealing, but it actually sets your kid up for failure because then what happens if that one friendship fails, or that kid moves away? The lost their one friend. If instead you encourage your kid to develop friend-making skills, then it doesn't matter if they have a best friend because they have the develop to make new friends wherever they go. It's much more useful than having a best friend. [/quote]

Op here. Thank you for your helpful response. It is so different raising a daughter vs sons. I just spoke to my husband about this and he thinks it is not a problem because my daughter has other friends. He would only be concerned if she had no friends.[/quote]

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