Reply to Our teen only wants to hang out with the “bad” kid

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Our young teen has some good neighborhood friends and a few others from sports, but has basically stopped hanging out with most of them this school year because he wants to hang out with a “bad” kid he knows from school. Bad/inappropriate language, disrespectful to adults, bad attitude about school/activities, older siblings who vape, etc. After they hang out, our kid speaks differently and has a bad attitude. Doesn’t care about school or activities anymore. He sounds just like the “bad” kid. It will go away if they don’t hang out but as soon as they see each other my kid transforms into a copy of this kid.

They got into big trouble at school (my kid was just an observer but still was involved) last month so we said they can’t hang out anymore. We can control that out of school but they still sit together at lunch and hang out in the halls. Today he came home talking just like this kid again.

This kid has dissuaded my kid from doing a school activity he used to love. He also was going to try a new school sport this season but now he won’t because this kid isn’t doing it.

Our kid is drawn to him like a moth to flame. How can we pull him away? What can we do aside from switching schools? [/quote]

I'm sorry, OP. I've been through this, and it's not fun. Ignore the posters who are saying your kid is the bad kid. He's not. He may be vaping or using alcohol, though, so you need to suss that out.

The school will DO NOTHING to separate your son from the others. In our case, we were simultaneously pursing special ed, and the school used the trouble DS was in as an excuse to deny him services. He was eventually given services in HS, but it took years because - I, of course, can't prove this, but I believe it to be true - the admin, etc. at his school believed things that they heard about him. After 2 years of HS, during which time DS got into NO TROUBLE, they eventually gave him an IEP for his ADHD.

If you can change schools, do it. Also, get your son into therapy as soon as you can. And be prepared for a bad reputation to follow him through HS. People still sometimes ask me where my son goes to HS, even though he goes to the same HS as their kids. I think it's because the bad friend eventually was expelled, and they assume (or heard through the social media-driven, drama-filled and wildly inaccurate HS grapevine) that DS also was expelled.

On the bright side, all of these efforts got my DS away from the bad kid - who's still around preying on others. I was in the HS office one day recently and overhead a kid talking to another kid on his phone. The other kid was at the bad kid's house, and they were arranging a meet-up.

Good luck, OP. It will not get better overnight, but it will eventually get better if you don't give up on your son.[/quote]

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