Reply to Why does my mother control my father, and why does he allow it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am this way as was my mother.
I must say she got so tired of control she let me go at 17. I inherited her mindset of leading a useful life, so I now control my son and my dad. Not obsessively but I do, to a point where some people think it’s too much.
The problem is that they are both near and dear to my heart and they are very much alike. They live in the land of imagination and are prone to screen addiction. I think they do better when they have somewhat of a schedule and some semblance of rules. My son is 12 so maybe he will develop more self regulation in the future. My dad however is 77 so there isn’t much hope for him. If he doesn’t have a bit of external control he waffles around all day and then engages in self loathing for not being productive.
I would like to know more about my need for control. Maybe that’s my way to feel fulfilled. I have a job but not a career and I do have friends, but my life is all about various life projects (centered around me or my family), so maybe that’s part of it.[/quote]

None of the above is “being controlling,” it’s just parenting and raising a kid or taking care of someone so they have healthy eating or screen habits. And don’t get too addicted to chemicals (caffeine, sweets) or dopamine hits (screens).

“Controlling” behavior is forbidding someone from seeing their family, or forcing them to eat only broccoli, or making them do everything or else (Cinderella style).[/quote]
Sorry, pp, but it is indeed controlling to try to manage the screen time of a 77 year old! Even if intentions are good, that’s a controlling way to “take care of someone.”[/quote]

Sounds like he already IS watching hours and hours of daytime TV, hence the wife leaves the house to find interaction.

Giving him another streaming service probably felt like a slap in the face to the wife. He clearly doesn’t come across as Me FixIt with home improvement projects or yard improvements or Mr I Love Cooking new Dishes in his spare time. He’s really let himself go… [/quote]
I was talking to a PP who wants to control her dad, not the OP.
You are doing an awful lot of assuming, though. I’m a woman, but i agree with the pp who observes that it seems like the consensus is that women controlling is ok, because it’s seen as supportive and loving, and hey, that guy probably needs it because he’s a dud or would be a sue without it. I know that I would hit the roof if my husband told me how much coffee to drink in a day or how much tv to watch, and I suspect that DCUM would consider these red flags of unacceptably controlling behavior.[/quote]

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