Reply to How to handle parents and in laws that don't like each other

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My in-laws and parents like each other very much— but I can guarantee you that if they actually spent extended time together, they wouldn’t. That’s why I’ve always kept them separated. We see one set at a time. It’s works for everyone. If there’s a kid performance, one set will see the fall show, the other set will see the spring show. This isn’t that hard, OP.[/quote]

OP here. It actually is that hard when there’s not multiples of some events AND you have one set that will go ballistic if they aren’t invited to everything.[/quote]

That's called natural consequences.  And just as with a child, giving in simply begets more bad behavior.  You set a situation and lay out the expectation and the consequence.  Send her a note so there's not interrupting.  "The situation of family gatherings has become an issue for me as it now affects my children who see and understand everyone's behavior.  Larla will be having her piano recital on Friday.  You and dad and Sally and Dan are invited to join us.  Regardless of your feelings or issues, our family includes two sets of grandparents and my husband is as welcome to include his family as I am to include mine.  I expect you all to be cordial to each other and to share attention for Larla.  If any of you decide you can't do that, please opt not to come.  I feel I need to remind you again that Sally and Dan have been nothing but kind and welcoming to me and they love Larla just as you do.  It is not a competition.   If you attend and can't respect us, you will not be invited again.  I am sending a similar letter to them so rest assured we are all on the same notice.  It is very important to me that all the adults in Larla's life are role models for her.  I'm not going to stand for petty arguments or watch adults childishly ignore one another.  Not to mention it is embarrassing in a public setting to see adults acting so poorly.  You are all adults and I leave you to decide how you will take it from here."[/quote]

OP here, thank you this is very well worded and helpful. [/quote]

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