Reply to This is the first year in 13 years that I have completely dropped the rope with DH’s family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds like this was a good decision for you personally, but what effect does this have on your kids? Will they now get unwanted gifts from the in-laws? Will their relationship with them suffer.

In my extended family one of my nephews wives does a similar divide and conquer with her husband. The net result is that we rarely get to see those kids. Her family gets a massive amount of time and access. Over time the relationship and respect towards that family has deteriorated.  It’s unfortunate because we love them dearly but rarely get to see those kids. I see my other nieces and nephews and their children regularly. It’s a close and functional family but there is always this undercurrent of tension.[/quote]

That's on your nephew, not his wife.  [/quote]

You are absolutely correct. It’s my nephew who is primarily at fault here. But the reality is that he is working crazy hours and traveling constantly and has little time. His wife has much more flexibility to make these kinds of things happen. She is the stay at home. It is not her “fault”. But the net result is the same. We rarely see them. It’s easy to say the obvious things that she is not responsible. And she isn’t. But it’s the kids that miss out. [/quote]

You are still blaming the niece? It is plain as day that your nephew does not care that his kids have no relationship with you and your family. He does not care. [/quote]

Unfortunately, that’s the conclusion that we have all reached over time. We are not a priority. My other nieces and nephews make much more effort. And like many things in life, you get out of it what you put into it.

My kids are older - in their twenties and it gives me great comfort to know that there are other people in this world who care about them and would help them if needed.  I do not have any extended family. (All murdered in the holocaust). And I can see how my kids have a sense of belonging that I never had growing up. Fortunately, my husband’s extended family has been very kind to my kids. I think my nephew (and his wife) are making a big mistake.[/quote]

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