Reply to Anyone have a mother who likes to be stabby on your Birthday?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh gawd, the Cut Them Off! contingent is out in full force today.

OP, ignore these drama queens who don't want your best interest any more than your mom appears to want it on your birthday. Surely you can handle your problems in direct conversation with your mother.[/quote]

I think most people are assuming that OP has already tried addressing this with her mother. The kind of mental illness OP is describing doesn't pop up overnight. Why would you assume she hasn't? You openly admit that her mother doesn't have her best interests. What kind of mother doesn't have her child's best interests, especially on her birthday? Doesn't that seem sick to you? Do you really think people with mentally ill family members need to be told to "try to have a direct conversation"?

[/quote]

Why would you assume OP HAS tried to address this with her mother? She's said nothing about that. An assumption hasn't tried is more credible than your assumption that she tried to work it out with mom--OP would have mentioned that.

You're clearly not qualified to give family advice to anybody. You certainly shouldn't be offering family-shattering advice to total strangers.

How about this: why don't you ask OP if she's tried talking directly to mom about it. Or you could suggest OP work with a therapist on the best approach.

And if OP tried but failed to work it out with mom, then the first step would be to ignore mom on her birthday. Instead of your default "cut off her head!" Truly, you're offering horrible, family-shattering advice here. I posted above about my own mom being mean on my birthdays, and I found the refusing to pick up the phone on my birthday and for a few days after that defused the situation very well. [/quote]

First of all, take a breath and realize there are multiple people posting in this thread. You have no idea what I have posted.

Secondly, you accuse others of being dramatic. Look at your language. "Cut off her head"? Horrible, "family shattering" advice? Come on.

Thirdly, it's absolutely more reasonable to assume that somebody has tried the obvious when dealing with a family member with an illness, mental or otherwise. It's incredibly self centered and ableist to assume that no one but yourself would think to try the obvious solution first.

Fourth, OP is a grown woman, perfectly capable of evaluating all the feedback she is getting. She knows therapy exists. Yet she has chosen to post here. I have faith in her. Why don't you? Why are you so threatened?
[/quote]

What is cutting your mother off if not "family shattering"? Some of you are mentally ill.

I'm not threatened. I'm concerned that drama queens like you are trying to destroy families when working it out and negotiating are possible options.[/quote]

Just like cutting out a cancer can save the person, cutting out the mentally ill abuser can save the rest of the family.

And OP has already confirmed that she has tried talking to her mom. I don't know why you have so little faith in her. [/quote]

DP. Genuinely curious: how many people have you cut out of your life? How many stable relationships do you have? Importantly, relationships where you don't get power by manipulating and threatening the people in your life?

Your posts about "crazy ladies" suggests you're part of the problem.[/quote]

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