Reply to Please don't ask for "gifts of time"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]To preface this, I have asked to stop exchanging Christmas gifts among adults and no one agreed.

This year the older adults on both sides (parents and inlaws and one aunt) all said that the only thing they want for Christmas is a specific way of spending time with us.  One asked for monthly video calls, one asked for dinners out together, one asked to vacation together.  This sucks.  First of all there is nothing to unwrap, when they are getting my family many things to unwrap, so that doesn't work.  Second, these are people I already call weekly or see at least monthly, so it's kind of insulting for them to ask for this time as a gift, as if we ignore them.  And third -- if we wanted to do these things we'd be doing them: the kids don't do well on video calls, we are not dining indoors yet, etc.  It feels manipulative.

I am an adult with a good income to buy what I want for my family, but I still put together a small list of physical gifts when relatives ask what my family would like.  Sometimes this means postponing a purchase it would be more convenient to make myself, but I do it so they can give a wrapped gift like they want to.  I wish they'd be mature enough to do the same -- OR stop exchanging gifts.  [/quote]

They can ask for anything and you can still say "no." They are taking advantage and they know it. If you want to be really obnoxious you can throw it back old school with a guilt trip and say "what, all the times we already see you aren't enough for you? You think we don't have jobs and other obligations. You don't appreciate all we do? What are we.....chopped livah to you?"

Regardless, they can ask for the moon and you can politely say, no thank you. Stop worrying about pleasing. If you love them and enjoy them do the amount you enjoy. If you just see them out of obligation and it's already torture, maybe see them less. If you see them enough to enjoy and not resent, then stick to that amount. Done. You don't need permission.[/quote]

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