Reply to Parent in Hospice Says Death is Imminent Every Few Days

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP back to weigh in for whatever it is worth.

- Mom is on wellbutrin, ativan, and haldol, but nothing is working to abate her fears.

- I know hospice will let me know when the time is truly near, assuming it is not sudden.  I cannot get mom to understand that, if she is able to make the call, it probably isn't happening, though, and [b]it didn't seem kind to give her the blow by blow of the active death process.[/b]

- I am definitely struggling to handle these calls in particular because I do feel the urge to drop everything and go.  As I mentioned up the thread, I have three kids who have needs and a job as well, and the calls are especially emotionally draining in what is already a taxing situation.  For example, I ended up going last night and getting up a 4 this morning to work, which is why I'm just now taking a break to check in here.

- As one of the PPs mentioned, we have had the blessing of a long dying process (I moved her in the spring), so we have had a lot of time to have every talk, and I am grateful for that.  I have been nothing but kind to her - I rub her head when I visit until she falls asleep, I thank her for all she has done, I repeat that we are at peace and that I and my family are strong, etc.  It may well be that I am not capable of handling things, and I certainly feel like a failure.  I hope and pray, however, that my mom never senses anger or resentment from me because I do not feel those.  I feel sad, defeated, so tired, and so upset that she is having to live in her body and mind with fear and stress in her final days.

- On moving her to my home, I was just trying to be clear that this isn't an option.  Over the years, I had offered to move into a home with a mother-in-law suite so my mom would be closer and still have her independence.  She declined, which I understood.  When she was diagnosed and put into hospice quite suddenly, I didn't have the bigger house but I still offered to move her into our home.  She declined repeatedly, and it is clear from her interactions with my children that everyone involved would be miserable if I moved her into my home.  The noise from the kids is very stressful to her, which I completely understand, but it also is not realistic for say, a 5-year-old to only whisper in his own home.[/quote]

First of all, OP, you're doing such an amazing job.  Hugs to you.

You might want to ask the hospice nurses if the bolded is true - I could see it being a comfort for your mom to know that it's not imminent if you're not feeling x, y or z.  But I don't know if that's the case.[/quote]

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